Writing your own vows has become popular, but they aren’t always elegant expressions of true love and endless devotion that make the guests reach for their handkerchiefs.
Nowadays, couples are personalizing their vows in some pretty creative, amusing ways that can also make their guests cry – but this time, from laughter.
Below are some “groom,” “bride,” and even “celebrity” wedding vows that are intended to be amusing. Names have been changed to protect the innocent or embarrassed. Some surely won applause, and others probably got eye-rolled.
But all of them made the wedding memorable.
In this article, we’ll share the secret to funny wedding vows, some tips on how you can master writing them, as well as what to avoid.
Whether you’re looking to take a break from crafting a serious Pulitzer Prize-worthy vow, why not enjoy these amusing wedding vows? Or if you’re really wanting to know how to write hilarious wedding vows, this one’s also for you!
The Charm of Funny Wedding Vows
Weddings can be a wonderful occasion filled with love, music, dance, and good food. However, they can sometimes feel a bit boring (and, honestly, pretentious) if all they consist of is sappy romance clichés and confessions of undying love.
People are starting to realize this, which is why more and more people have been including humor in their weddings – and in their vows, in particular.
After all, your vows should be a glimpse into your future life together – and that should certainly be filled with humor, laughter, and lighthearted moments.
There’s always room for a good joke; don’t forget that!
How to Balance Humor and Romance
Balancing humor and romance when writing your vows can be a bit tricky – but we’ve shared some tips to help you out below:
Know Your Audience
In order to have a good reaction from your guests, you have to keep in mind their sensibilities, ages, and relationship with you.
Older people can be a bit stiff when it comes to these things and may find a joke inappropriate if it’s too on the nose.
On the other hand, if the joke is tasteful, they can relate to it and find it charming.
As for younger people, they tend to prefer punchy, witty jokes that border on “inappropriate.” It’s easy to make younger people cringe at bad and strained humor, though, so be careful about that.
So, how do you combine the two?
Sometimes, going for an absurd and over-the-top joke can actually be a good compromise, believe it or not. Those types of jokes are so obviously unserious that everyone laughs at them, instead mistaking them for masked sarcasm and animosity.
But, at the end of the day, you two are also part of that audience:
You and your spouse should like your vows and find them funny; that’s what matters. And when people see that you two are having fun and enjoying your moment, they will, too.
Be True to Your Relationship
If you want to incorporate funny wedding vows into your wedding, make sure they are applicable to your relationship.
The people at your wedding will probably know how your relationship works. That’s why hearing a joke that is objectively funny but has nothing to do with the couple’s actual dynamics won’t have much of an effect.
Stick to what you’ve experienced and what’s true to you.
That way, the joke will feel much more like an inside joke for everyone rather than a randomly thrown-in, poorly-told punchline.
You can still include something that you read on the Internet and found funny, but make it your own – not a copy-paste version of the online thing.
Funny Vow Examples & Inspirations
Check out some funny wedding vows inspiration below!
Real couples, real giggles: Actual Funny Vows Shared
Now that we’ve shared some of the most important tips, let’s go through some funny wedding vows examples.
You don’t want to totally steal them, of course – but they could get your creative juices flowing:
“I promise to always be there for you in sickness and in health, in Netflix and in Hulu, in takeout, and in leftovers, until no TV season is left un-binged.”
“In the name of God, I, Debbie, take you, Tyler, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day onward; for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer… in sickness and in health, forget sickness, I’m not really good with vomit, to be honest… but in health, hell yeah! Moving on – to love and to cherish, till suspicious death… or your parents’ visit.”
“I promise to love you even with all the lost keys we’ve had to and will have to replace throughout our relationship and marriage.”
“I promise to be your chief tennis doubles partner and to blame you every time we lose, even though it was probably my fault.”
“I promise to hate on and gossip about all of your annoying coworkers with you.”
“I promise not to complain when you spend one week’s salary on gourmet cat food and to always take the cats to vet visits with you.”
“I promise to keep you on your toes with all the magic tricks I’ve been learning, not just my usual, super funny pranks.”
“I promise to be your co-pilot and your navigator – and to always bring snacks on our road trip through life.”
“I promise to love you as much as I love the musical Cats, Black Friday shopping sprees, and cheese-flavored chips.”
“From here on out, I promise to only ignore you on a (not-so-)rare occasion – when the Knicks are playing.”
“I promise not to make you have a Gilmore Girls marathon with me more than once a month.”
“I promise to give you my jacket when you’re cold because you refused to dress for the weather, even though I will be totally freezing.”
“I vow to always talk endlessly on the phone on your long commutes to work and never let my phone die in the process.”
“I vow to always squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom.”
“I promise to always keep your favorite beer in the fridge.”
“I vow to never watch an episode of our show without you.”
“I promise to never hide the remote.”
“I vow to always share my dessert with you.”
“I vow to let you win an argument occasionally, just so you can experience what it feels like.”
“I promise to laugh with you during good times and provide comic relief during the not-so-good times.”
“I vow to always let you hold the TV remote, but never the credit card.”
“I vow to always laugh at your jokes, no matter how many times I’ve heard them.”
“I promise to keep a secret stash of your favorite treat for when you’ve had a bad day.”
And now for some longer ones:
“I, April, take you, Mark, to be my husband even though you and I both know you ain’t got a lick of sense, but I reckon I’ll survive as long as you remember to bring me my Dr. Peppers.”
“I, Morgan, take you, Daniel, to be my lawfully wedded husband and my time travel partner when Marty McFly shows up in Delorean, which he will. For richer, for poorer, for better or worse, when you go crazy over your project car, and when you put up with my love for Gears Of War. When we argue over the most ridiculous things like what episode of Mythbusters to watch or when I can’t accept defeat during video games even though you so cheat, for when we stay awesome and the extremely rare occasion when we forget to be awesome, I promise to always love you because you’re the Dom to my Maria.”
“I, Maria, promise to love you, Rocky, forever and always from this day forward. I promise I will learn how to cook, especially your favorite meals. I will try to keep the house relatively clean, except for the times when we will be busy making love. I will give you full supremacy of the remote control, but that too on weekends only. This is my promise to my one true love and partner for life.”
“I vow to respect, admire, and appreciate you for who you are, as well as for the person you wish to become. I also vow to protect you from the wrath of extra spicy dishes, and promise to offer you the last scoop of ice cream, even if it’s the last scoop on earth.”
“I promise to support you in every step of your journey, cheering on your victories and comforting you in your defeats, because there’s no one else I’d rather have by my side through it all.”
“I vow to cherish and respect you, to care for you in sickness and health, to always turn the light off when I leave the room, and to never let a disagreement last through the night.”
Pop Culture References
Most couples have a TV show they love to watch. From sitcoms to reality TV – every couple has one.
Adding these references will play on your traditions – and loop in everyone else who’s also a fan of the show. We’re sure you’ll get a few laughs out of them.
Plus, every time you sit down to watch your show, you’ll remember your precious day – and your vows.
It doesn’t even have to be TV shows you reference – any pop culture reference that caught your attention can be a good addition to your vows.
Check out some of our favorite examples below:
“I vow to always laugh at your ‘Friends’ references, even if I don’t get them.”
“I promise to let you have control of the TV remote when ‘The Bachelor’ is on.”
“I vow to never dispute your claim that Batman could beat Superman in a fight.”
“I promise to always be your Player 2 in any video game.”
“I promise to always binge-watch your favorite shows with you, no matter how many times you’ve seen them.”
“I vow to be the Chewbacca to your Han Solo, always loyal and occasionally hairy.”
“I promise to love you – even though you probably have an obsession with Britney Spears and other girly pop music.”
“I promise I’ll learn to love all your favorite pop singers – like Britney Spears and Madonna – and won’t criticize your choice in music from this day forward.”
“I vow to never criticize your cooking, even when the smoke alarm gives its opinion.”
“I promise to keep the fridge stocked with your favorite snacks.”
“I vow to always eat the peas off your plate when we have dinner.”
“I promise to always save the last piece of chocolate for you.”
“I vow to be your personal taste tester, no matter how disastrous the recipe turns out.”
“I promise to make pancakes on Sundays, with the occasional breakfast in bed.”
“I promise to always have a warm dinner ready after a long day.”
“I vow to wake you up each morning with a kiss and a cup of coffee.”
“I vow to indulge in your love for street food.”
“I vow to always bring you ice cream when you’re feeling blue.”
“I vow to make you dinner when you’re too tired to cook.”
“I promise to keep the fridge stocked with your favorite drink.”
“I promise to always appreciate your cooking, even if it tastes like cardboard.”
John Caprulo – For his vows to wife Jamie Marie, John Caprulo wrote:
“Jamie Marie, from this day forward I promise to be worth it. Worth the time. Worth the trip. Worth the energy. Worth the embarrassment. Worth your love. I promise that you will always count. You will always come first, and of course, if you don’t for whatever reason, I will buy you some shoes. From the moment you entered my world, you have filled it with life, color, and energy like never before…like kool-aid in a mud puddle…or a cupcake in a salad…or a rose garden in a junk yard. You are my rose, Jamie Marie, and I promise to devote my life to being your dirt.”
Other than adding in a few personal promises, you can be self-deprecating (which is really funny) just like John Caprulo. Sometimes, being a little funny is extremely romantic!
Funny Wedding Vows for Him
I Michael, take you, Jessica to be my lawfully wedded (wife) and chief tennis doubles partner, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, for when we win and the very, very rare occasion when we lose. I promise to love, honor, and cherish you, to return your serves and do my best not to foot fault. This I vow to you.
This must be why the term “love” is used in tennis!
I Chris, take you Debbie, to be my beloved wife. I promise to love you and be your faithful partner, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, when the Jets are winning, and when they are losing, in sickness, and in health, and in Jets-induced sickness. I will be true and loyal, and cherish you for all the days of our lives.
Hopefully he didn’t end his vows with the Jets chant..J-E-T-S!!!!
I, Matthew, take you, Emily, to be my awful wedded wife, to have and to scold, from this day fast forwarded for better but not worse, for richer, and poorer, forget sickness only in health, to loathe and to cherish, till suspicious death do we part.
Sounds like this new bride better sleep with one eye open!
I, Tyler, promise to love you, Sarah, even though you have an obsession with Britney Spears and other girly pop music. I promise I will learn to love all of your favorite pop stars like Britney Spears and Madonna, and will not criticize your choice in music from hear on out.
Do you think the incorrect use of “hear” rather than “here” was intended to be a pun related to music?
I, Phillip, promise to count every penny that comes into our grasp, and account for it using two-column ledgers and everything your accountant has done previously. I promise to love you, Amelia, unconditionally, in sickness and in health, till death do us part, even when you feel the need to accessorize with $400 shoes.
Nothing says true love quite like, “I will keep you out of an audit”.
I promise to love you even when you refuse to let me watch the football, to cherish you even when you blow one week’s salary on yet another handbag, and to understand you even when you are at mad at me because of something that happened in a dream.
Consider the quote, “You never know. Maybe when we’re dreaming…we’re more lucid than when we are awake.” – Katherine Angela Yeboah”
With this ring I thee wed…to have, to hold, to love, Through turkey season, deer and duck, and even squirrel and dove. I will be to you a rock of strength on which you can depend, And will bless you with my presence when the hunting seasons end. Turkey beards and antlers I will keep in their due place, And will only leave on hunting trips with a smile upon my face. I will vow no excess bragging when my catch is rather small, And my thoughts will always be of you though the woods may often call… And so it is with deep devotion I say those words, ” I DO” For no greater loves in my life you’ll find… …than my hunting, dear, and YOU!!!!
Just because the woods call, doesn’t mean you have to answer! Get voicemail; you’re a newlywed.
I, Mark, do take you, April, as my bride even though you and I know you ain’t right. I reckon as long as you bring me my Bud Light things will be fine. I promise I will try to eat your cooking as long as you don’t make me look at it first,
Mark may be wearing April’s cooking before too long.
I, Daniel, take you, Meaghan, to be my chosen class, my constant tank, my faithful protector and my guardian from this day forward. In the presence of GMs, our guildies and pugs, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful raid leader in poisons and through over-heals, in good times and in bad, and in boss kills as well as mob wipes. I promise to run back unconditionally, to give you flasks for your runs, to buff and heal you, to mark targets for you and taunt off when you pull, and to lay my hand of protection on you for as long as we both are alive.
A World of Warcraft reference in your wedding vows is a dead geek give-away.
I, Andrew, choose you, Hannah to be my partner in life. In front of our friends and family gathered here I promise to love and cherish you throughout good times and bad times. I promise to try to remember to put down the toilet seat and to replace the toilet roll when it finishes. I promise to remember this day with love and roses and to look after you if you get sick. I will love you always.
It would have been even more lovely if he had added something about not urinating on the floor.
I promise to love you as much as the Chicago Cubs and not hold your black and white striped dress against you. From this day forward, I will listen to all of your complaints about the mall if you say them during the off season, and promise to retire my baseball cap and face paint for public outings. I will love you in sickness and in health, from this day forward, until death parts us, or you become a White Sox fan.
Complaints about the mall? What woman complains about the mall? Just confused.
I promise to love and cherish you as much as I do our dog, Spot. From this day forward, I will lint roll the chairs whenever your parents visit. I will love you in sickness and in health, as long as you take care of the vet visits. I promise to cuddle with you as much as I do Spot and pick you up treats whenever he gets some, too.
A man can love his pet, but should never compare his new wife to one. Geez!
I promise to stay with you for the rest of our live and make sure that it turns out to be a very long life. I promise to love you with all of my heart but not more than my beers. I promise to honor you with all of my actions. I will treasure you like actual treasure, but don’t worry I won’t burry you.I promise to keep you warm, very warm when it’s cold outside. I will stand in the way of the sun when it gets hot. No matter how many books you get, or how many times we move, I promise to always carry them all every time.
Thanks for practicing your vows buddy. But hey, awkward is something guests will remember.
Funny Wedding Vows for Her
From this day forward, I promise to declaw my cat Fluffy so that you are not scratched. I will always make sure the litter box is clean and will keep Fluffy out of Spot’s house. I will love you for richer or poorer, so long as Fluffy gets the gourmet cat food.
Sounds like Spot never learned to share. Also fyi, if you want to declaw your cat, you should learn the pros and cons of doing that.
I promise to love you as much as I love my credit card and not hold your poor fashion sense against you. I will only show you my new clothes during commercial breaks and promise to keep you in the latest Cub fashions. From this day forward, I will make sure your lucky shirt is washed for every game day, and will have plenty of potato chips on hand. I will love you for richer or poorer, as long as our credit limit stays high.
Money, money, money. “Daddy, I want an oompa-loompa…I want as oompa-loompa NOW!”
I, Kayla, choose you, Jacob as my life partner and in front of friends and family I promise to love and cherish you through every obstacle that may be put in our path. I promise to learn how to change a tire and how to refill the screenwash when it runs out. I will comfort you when your team loses and drink beer with you when they win.I will remember this day and will love you always.13
Bride 101: Never, never, never let a man know that you can change a tire….or oil….or take out the trash.
“I, Jennifer, promise to love you, John, even though you have a love for ‘80s hair band music. I promise I will try to love Motley Crue as much as you do, and will even dress up in ‘80s clothing and see a live concert with you- and I won’t even complain the entire time. You’ll be my personal rock star and I will love every moment of it.”
I will pretend to love your mullet and MC Hammer pants even though you look like a flaming idiot.
I, Lauren, promise to love you, Phillip, forever and always from this day forward. I promise to learn how to cook your favorite meals and never criticize your mother. I promise to keep the house relatively clean, except on Lost nights. I will give you full reign of the remote control otherwise. For this is my promise to my one true love and partner for life.
You gotta wonder if she feels lost now that Lost ended? PUN INTENDED!
I, party of the first part, do thee wed, party of the second part, to have and to hold under this contract witnessed before ye parties of the third part. Heretowith, I proclaim myself without further contractual obligations until such time as this marriage contract becomes null and void in a court of law.
Two words – “nuptial agreement”.
I, April, take you, Mark, to be my husband even though you and I both know you ain’t got a lick of sense, but I reckon I’ll survive as long as you remember to bring me my Dr. Peppers. I promise to love you no matter how many of your friends get drunk, pass out in the yard, the truck, wherever, but I’ll try to make sure they get home…
Clearly his drunk friends don’t have a lick of sense either. And, neither does April.
I, Morgan, take you, Daniel to be my lawfully wedded husband and my time travel partner when Marty McFly shows up with in Delorean, which he will. For richer, for poorer, for better or worse, when you go crazy over your project car, and when you put up with my love for Gears Of War. When we argue over the most ridiculous things like what episode of Mythbusters to watch or when I can’t accept defeat during videogames games even though you so cheat, for when we stay awesome and the extremely rare occasion when we forget to be awesome, I promise to always love you because you’re the Dom to my Maria.
It’s a pretty good guess this household has multiple television sets.
I, Maria, promise to love you, Rocky, forever and always from this day forward. I promise I will learn how to cook especially your favorite meals. I will never criticize your mother and will make sure that you don’t hang out with your boozy friends. I will try to keep the house relatively clean, except for the times when we will be busy making love. I will give you full supremacy of the remote control but that too on weekends only. For this is my promise to my one true love and partner for life.
If you’re a guy, you’re thinking “Now, that’s a keeper!” The “Best Ever Wedding Vow Award” goes to a teacher that allowed his 3rd grade students to write his vows. It just doesn’t get any more honest, or cuter, than this one!
Mr. Meiers promises to always sit by Ms. Racheal on roller coasters. Ms. Racheal promises never to change because Mr. Meiers likes her just the way she is. Mr. Meiers promises to give Ms. Racheal 8 billion kisses every day. Mr. Meiers promises to be more like Johnny Depp.
The “Thank You For Your Service Military Wedding Vow Award” goes to this soldier and his wife. God bless the soldiers and their families!
Wilt thou Amy, take this soldier as thy wedded husband, knowing that he is depending upon you to be the perfect (well almost) Army wife, running the household as you see fit, and being nice to the commander’s wife? Furthermore, you understand that your life with your husband (little that you may have together) will not be normal, that you may have to explain to your children, not once, but twice, and more often in the same day, that mothers do have husbands, and that children do have daddy’s, and that the picture of the man on the refrigerator is not the milkman, but the same individual who tucks them in at 2200 hours, long after they are asleep. This soldier is their daddy, who loves them very, very much. Wilt thou love, respect and wait for him, preparing his favorite cookies and pictures of yourself and the kids, so he can remember what you look like? And last but not least, put on the outside of your door his ‘Welcome home’ sign when he’s due to arrive?
Promising your love, life, and time to your spouse is sort of a given. But promising them the last piece of the pizza or the middle piece of a cake? That’s love on another level.
It comes down to the daily little things – which is actually where love is most often displayed.
Incorporating playful humor into traditional wedding vows can get your guests laughing while filling their hearts with warmth and love.
If that sounds good to you, here are some wedding vows examples for inspiration:
“I promise to always wake you up with the smell of burnt coffee.”
“I promise to always laugh when you fall.”
“I promise to wait to watch the next episode of our show until you come home, no matter how hard it may be.”
“I promise to treasure you like actual treasure, but don’t worry, I won’t bury you!”
“I promise to love you as much as I love my credit card and not hold your poor fashion sense against you.”
“I promise I will comfort you when your team loses and drink beer with you when they win.”
“I promise to love you no matter how many of your friends get drunk, pass out in the yard, the truck, wherever, and try to make sure they get home.”
Cautionary tales: Humor Pitfalls to Avoid
There are, on the other hand, things you should avoid when writing funny wedding vows.
It’s wonderful to hear some humor on these occasions. However, that humor needs to be appropriate and rooted in love. When you veer from that, it could feel awkward and passive-aggressive – and, at times, plain stupid.
Couples always have something that annoys them in the other person, but putting too much emphasis on their flaws and annoyances may feel like you’re in couples therapy rather than at your own wedding. Jokes like these won’t leave your guests laughing; they’ll leave them wondering why they came when you’re going to get divorced in a year anyway.
Flirting with “inappropriate” topics without actually going there is a tricky thing to achieve – but if you do, success is guaranteed.
To make sure you don’t end up saying all the wrong things, here are some examples of what to avoid when writing funny wedding vows:
“I will never criticize your mother and will make sure that you don’t hang out with your boozy friends.”
“I promise to love you with all of my heart but not more than my beers.”
I take you as my wife even though both you and I know you ain’t right. I reckon as long as you bring me my Bud Light, things will be fine.”
“I promise I will try to eat your cooking as long as you don’t make me look at it first.”
“I vow to be your lawfully wedded husband and take you to be my awful wedded wife, to have and to scold, from this day fast forwarded for better but not worse, for richer, and poorer, forget sickness only in health, to loathe and to cherish, till suspicious death do we part.”
Ready to Write Your Own Wedding Vows?
We just want to emphasize once more how wonderful it is to make your wedding ceremony personal and unique to you and your spouse.
Whether it be through writing your own vows from scratch or sneaking in a sentence or two, we guarantee that you and your guests will remember them.
Follow the advice from this article, and we promise that your funny wedding vows will get great reactions from people, make your guests laugh, and, most importantly – that YOU will love your vows.
These vows are for you – not a movie couple, your friends, or your family. Never lose sight of what matters when it comes to your wedding ceremony. You’re marrying your best friend; that should be the main focus of your special day.
So, there you have it. Now, go and write the best wedding vows the world – or at least your wedding guests – have ever seen.