You are not your parents, and yet their lives and their own love stories effect you in a significant way. Children of divorced parents don’t look at marriage the same way that children of together parents do. Instead, they see marriage as a choice that can always be reversed. As the child of divorced parents, you know that the vows that you say do not guarantee you an easy passage through wedded life. A marriage is fragile, and can be broken at any moment.
Rather than letting this bum us out, we can look at the gift within this knowing. Once you see a marriage dissolve, you see that it is is up to the couple themselves, each and every day, to make the partnership work. This is a really amazing way to enter in to life together! In this way, you approach the challenges that come with marriage differently.
If you’ve witnessed your parent’s divorce, you might find some stuff coming up for you when it comes time to say your own “’til death do us part” vows. You might experience some anger around the fact that your parents said the same thing, and yet did not honor it. The important thing to realize is that you are not your parents. Approach your vows with authenticity. If you don’t think you can promise “’til death do us part” with your whole heart, than consider saying something else.
I once heard of a wedding where the bride and groom each spoke the words “I love you now” as their wedding vows. How’s that for living in the moment? I have also heard a man speaking about the secret to his and his wife’s marriage: they both agreed that divorce was always an option. Every day, they made the choice to be together! This way, there is never a reason to feel trapped, stuck, or stagnant. If you have strong emotions around these topics, talk to your fiance honestly about what is coming up for you. if you two are having difficulty communicating, or you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or other issues, BetterHelp can custom-match you to a therapist perfectly suited for your needs.
What are your thoughts about this?
Do you think your parents’ divorce has changed the way you approach your own marriage?
Share in the comments section below! Many of us come from homes with split parents. This affects our psychology around marriage and what a wedding means, but not necessarily in a bad way! It has taken me years to see it, but I now see that my parent’s divorce gave me some gifts when it came time to say my own vows. I’d love to know what your own experience has been.